Amazon’s dog culture finally meets its PIP culture.

Barclay ate the only printed copy of the FY27 EC2 forecast ten minutes before WBR. His manager had not saved the spreadsheet. Barclay is expected to take ownership of both issues.

Asked why the boy dogs on her team are all a level above her. The answer was “executive presence.” One of them is currently licking the inside of a conference-room window. His promo doc cites Bias for Action.

The robotics team asked whether a dog would attack its prototype. Jeff answered the question in under three seconds. The prototype has been sent back for redesign; Jeff has been sent to HR.

Jumped into the pond at an all-hands and shook water onto an SVP. The SVP said “good boy.” Winston put that in his self-review. His manager has asked him to remove it.

Packet has marked every rack in the networking lab as his territory. Facilities has asked him to stop. His manager has asked him to demonstrate greater scope.

Alerted on every passing car for six months. Slept through the one actual break-in. Ring has asked her to improve precision without compromising recall, and to submit the plan as a six-pager.

Noodle, a mixed-breed rescue, asked why the new purebred gets an L6 offer to do the same job. “Pedigree” was briefly included in the written response before Legal found the document.

Buried the launch documents in the backyard. When asked to retrieve them, he found three previous launches and a shoe belonging to someone who left in 2022. None of this was in the project tracker.

Spot has been called a good boy 837 times this quarter. He cited this in his self-review. His manager clarified that verbal praise does not constitute a performance rating.

Asked HR when his vest would arrive. They sent him the four-year equity schedule. He clarified that he meant the one with SERVICE DOG printed on it. His follow-up has been logged as “continued resistance to our compensation philosophy.”

Four direct reports complained that Rex kept humping them at the offsite. HR spent two quarters calling it “high-energy leadership” and sending the direct reports to boundary-setting training. The vet neutered Rex on Tuesday. HR has scheduled a listening session for Friday.