Backed by Y Exterminator | S26 Batch
Meet the world's first rat trap that sings a full operatic aria when it catches a rat. There is no mute button. We looked. There's no volume-down button either, because—and I cannot stress this enough—its victory will not be silenced.
The Problem
Here's what happens when your current rat trap catches a rat: nothing. It just sits there. It doesn't tell you. It doesn't celebrate. It has zero appreciation for the strategic genius you deployed in placing it behind the dishwasher at a 15-degree angle based on three YouTube videos and a Reddit thread.
You did that. You earned that kill. And your trap can't even be bothered to acknowledge it. The rat got a more dignified exit than you got recognition.
This isn't a pest control problem. This is a respect problem. And frankly, it's been going on long enough.
This is what you're working with. Look at it. Really look at it.
Features
We spent two years and an unconscionable amount of money building this. Here's what you get.
Our proprietary AI—trained exclusively on opera libretti and pest control manuals—analyzes each catch and picks the appropriate victory aria. Quick snap? Figaro. Three-day stakeout? Nessun Dorma. It reads the room. The room is your kitchen.
We didn't forget it. We held a meeting about it. The meeting got heated. Three engineers resigned over it. We hired engineers who understood the vision. The mute button stays dead.
We get asked about this one a lot. The answer is that there is one volume, and it is all of the volume. The Ratsissimo team does not believe in half measures or, apparently, neighborly relations.
Get a push notification the instant a catch happens. Includes: timestamp, aria selection, trap location, and a personally generated congratulatory message from RatGPT. It's like Strava for killing rats.
Works with Alexa, Google Home, and HomeKit. When a catch happens, your smart lights automatically dim and pulse in time with the aria. Your kitchen becomes La Scala. You didn't ask for this. You're welcome.
Kills per week. Arias performed. Peak rodent activity hours. Your personal Exterminator Score, which is exactly as unhinged a metric as it sounds. We put a graph on it so it feels professional.
How It Works
An array of sensors that we are legally required to describe as “military-grade” identifies the intruder. Thermal imaging, motion tracking, and a proprietary detection algorithm that three PhDs spent two years calibrating. For a rat trap.
The mechanism fires in 0.003 seconds. That's faster than you can say “is this humane” and conveniently also faster than you can answer. We describe the snap technology as “precision-engineered,” which is technically accurate and emotionally evasive.
RatGPT selects the victory aria and performs it at a volume best described as “inconsiderate.” Your kitchen becomes La Scala. Your neighbors become unwilling patrons of the arts. You become the kind of person who owns this.
The Repertoire
Curated by RatGPT. Performed at a volume that suggests we didn't consult with legal before shipping.
Nessun Dorma (The Long Stakeout Mix)
Arena rock. Three weeks behind the dishwasher. None shall sleep tonight.
La donna è mobile (Kitchen Counter Edition)
Garage rock swagger. Way too proud of a kitchen rat. The HOA sent a letter. He framed it.
Der Hölle Rache (Basement Infestation Suite)
Heavy fuzz rock. Twelve traps and a podcast about this. Things got personal in the basement.
Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! (The Multi-Catch Medley)
Punk rock. Three rats in one night. Posted it on LinkedIn. Got a job offer.
Volume preset to maximum. This was a design choice, not an oversight. We've been over this.
Pricing
All tiers include our patented No Mute Technology™, because we respect you too much to let you make that mistake.
The Soloist
The Orchestra
The Maestro
All tiers include: No mute button (this is non-negotiable and we will stop answering emails about it). 30-day money-back guarantee on the trap. The rat is yours to keep.
Testimonials
Take theirs. We couldn't have made these up. We tried. Reality was funnier.
I've been killing rats for thirty years. This is the first trap that has ever thanked me for my service.
Margaret T.
Home Owner
I bought it as a joke. It's been four months and I'm now leaving artisanal cheese out as bait because I want to hear the arias. My therapist says this is “concerning.” My therapist doesn't have a Ratsissimo.
David R.
Cheese Enthusiast
Night one: my neighbor called the cops. Night two: my neighbor called the landlord. Night three: my neighbor asked what aria that was. Night four: my neighbor ordered one. We're in a group chat now.
Jennifer K.
Apartment Dweller
Haven't seen a rat in six months. I miss the arias so much I've been buying feeder rats from the pet store and releasing them in my basement. My wife thinks I have a problem. I have a subscription.
Thomas W.
Rat Patron
Someone Actually Funded This
“I've sat through 4,000 Demo Day pitches. Most of them are the same AI wrapper on the same API with the same slide about TAM. When the Ratsissimo founders pulled out an actual rat trap and it started singing Puccini at full volume in the auditorium, three of my partners cried. I wrote the check before the aria ended. It was the most honest pitch I've ever funded.”
As Not Yet Featured In
FAQ
No. We get this one a lot. The answer has not changed. We have a form letter.
See previous answer. We admire your optimism.
In most jurisdictions. We recommend checking your local noise ordinances before purchase, or after. Dealer's choice.
Then your neighbors are about to develop a deep and unexpected appreciation for Italian opera. We find that most noise complaints resolve themselves by the third catch. Stockholm syndrome is a hell of a thing.
Technically, yes. But Ratsissimo will not sing for a mouse. It detects the difference and refuses to perform. Mice haven't earned it. This was not a product decision—RatGPT made this call on its own and we've been unable to override it.
Duet mode activates automatically. If you have multiple Ratsissimo units on the Ensemble or Philharmonic plan, they harmonize. We did not intend for this feature to exist. It emerged on its own during testing and we were too impressed to remove it.
RatGPT is a proprietary large language model trained exclusively on 400 years of opera libretti and the complete archives of Pest Control Technology magazine. It is, to our knowledge, the most sophisticated system ever built at the intersection of Italian opera and rodent elimination. We're aware that this is a low bar. We're also aware that we've cleared it by a considerable margin, and we'd appreciate it if people stopped laughing long enough to acknowledge that.